We know it is important for our sense of well-being to give. In fact, there has been a scientific study which shows that the immune system responds positively when we help others and can be activated by merely watching a film about someone helping others.

But it is not healthy to give until we feel drained, used, and deprived. Such giving can be laced with hostility, resentment, anger, and the unspoken message: "Now you owe me!" This is not loving; this is bartering. We love best from a sense of overflow. When we are brimming with the energy that comes with having the courage to take care of ourselves first, our love and caring are freely given gifts, with nothing expected in return.

Our minds may tell us that filling ourselves first is an act of selfishness - it seems to go against society's dictum, that it is more blessed to give than receive. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to realize that filling ourselves is essential. It takes even more courage to know how to do it, especially if we are out of the habit of thinking about nourishing ourselves.

To help move into the healthy pattern of filling yourself, ask yourself these questions and jot down the answers. What replenishes me so tht I can love freely? What small step can I take today to allow time for myself to fill and refill?

We can do ourselves, and those we love, a favor by having the courage to fill our life's vase; by making a commitment to ourselves that, in order to be a free-flowing, clear fountain, we will fill ourselves first.

Wow, that was really really nice. This really resonates strongly with me at this point in my life.

My ex-wife did exactly what I thought she would do--spent herself into serious trouble. Although I had had many evil thoughts and said many things I now regret, I do not now--or ever--wish evil upon her or her family. I will always be there to help somehow if push came to shove.

After all she has done, I can forgive her enough to help her if she really needs it. I know many would not understand, but this is what true love is--helping one another in our times of need, even those who may have done us a serious wrong. I just hope she realizes that I did--and still do in some small way--care about her.

Due to the fact that I was raised by devout Christians, I do believe in giving and especially helping our brothers in need.

Although I do not love her as a wife, I still love her in a plutonic way, and probably always will. I care deeply about what happens to her, and I always try to offer her helpful advice about the things that I know and understand. She is the mother of my child after all.

Heck, with her health, I may end up taking care of her in her older years. Crazy huh? Do you all think I am nuts?

This was helpful to me to remind me once again that in order for me to remain mentally and spiritually healthy, I need to take care of myself first, else there won't be anything left to give.

I have wished evil things in times of desperation and great anger. To see my predictions coming true is not sweet (revenge or prevenge is NEVER sweet or satisfying unless you are pure evil) and makes me truly sick to my stomach. I have not the heart or spirit to hate any longer and I only hope that my actions in this life will be enough to pay for my many inadequacies and wrong-doings that I have done to others.

Peace,
Pete

Good for you, You are a better man for it. I too have wished for grief to others who have wronged me, Time helps heal the wounds life gives us, thank goodness. There is enough hate in the world to go around, I no longer am a carrier. Be well & happy.

Jim