YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by George Carlin

February 16, 2003

I. Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices...again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

We need our country back!

Political Correctness is an excuse for a lack of intelligence.

Carlin rules. I love how he tells it like it is.

If you want the straight dope, you go to Carlin!

can i go punch him in the face now?

George is hillarious!
IMHO he is the example of an American.

Aye

Wow...five-year-old post, and no one pointed out that George Carlin never wrote this? Nor, for that matter, did Ted Nugent or Rush Limbaugh, both of whom it is also often attributed to.

Oh well. I guess we don't post stuff like this for factual value, but for knee-jerk patriotism.

This is the guy that's taking credit for having written that particular rant.

As above.