These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

1. Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and

we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. . . oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in

Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female

population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year

round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I

dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

22. LOL! yeah thats about it too.

LOL I must say you are right there odie... 22!!!

Funny, I'd always heard about how polite the people in Canada were. That is apparently propaganda put out by the same folks that wrote the answers to those questions.

That is stolen from the Australian board of tourism. I saw it weeks back.

Canadians aren't funny enough to come up with that

NO you're right we are to much of a tight ass to make jokes like that...

you stick a piece of coal up a canadians ass and look 3 days later its a diamond

and you Americans are funny???... majority of comedians come from Canada...

John Candy (Bless his soul), Mike Myers, Bob and Doug MacKenzie, Martin Short, Jim Carrey and the list goes on...

Very funny.

what about the one where the american comes up here with skis and jackets in JULY!!!

Who are you calling American? I'm from Africa.

And all of the comedians you mention are pathetic in my opinion with the exception of Mike Myers, but he's lost it lately too.

I still say the best comedy is british.

Bob and Doug MacKenzie were characters on SCTV, not actual comedians. They were played by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas (no, not the founder of Wendy's).

Why is most Canadian Beer 'skunky?'

LOL... i couldn't think of Dave Thomas but Rick Moranis i did.

Mister4x4 - Our beer isn't skunky its just not watered down like US beer :P

Fair enough...

IM moving to canada now odie can i stay at ur house for a while ?

I have a female Canadian friend and she says there's a shortage of tall, decent looking guys there (Toronto specifically). She refers to the male population in general up there as the ugly midget bridade.

She comes to Aspen yearly to find men of normal human proportions.

So if you're tall Pain, you'll have a ball up there.

His wife would have a ball, and a bat, too, when he got back!

Apologise to her Fyend, I left TO over 15 years ago...

Skunky.. heheheh..

At least here, the 5 comes before the decimal... (^_^)