here something ive wrote, its not complete yet, im working on it, and i might finish it cus i actually like this one, its not often i like something ive written my self..

here goes..


I see the rings that
keep us all together

I see how they twist
and bend beneath the presure

I see the fear inside you
As it rise upon your mind

I see deep down inside you
I see behind your naked eyes

I'm gonna watch as it all comes down on you.

Well, what ya think? worth working with, or?

it's fragments of... something. can't see an overall meaning of the text, but probably too early to say anyway. writing in english, i've noticed artists not havin the language as their native tounge, depend WAY too much on fancy words and sentences put together, rather than havin any depth to the text. don't fall into that trap.. it's doomed to fail at once

It needs work, thats for sure, any creative ideas are welcome, not ideas directly on what to write in the lyric though, that ill figure out on my own.

Btw, im not sure if its a song or just some shit poem thingie

shit, its fuckin good

most ppl i see postin lyrics on message boards just post stuff about black souls burning in depressed black rooms and stuff

but i like this, its short and to the point and makes sense

its a like bit like audioslave words which is pretty good

(i am the highway, by audioslave

Definitely worth working on.

I see it more as a poem than a song but maybe you can work on it and turn it around.

All depends on what you are wanting it to be personally - poems/songs are deeply personal - they come from within - just keep at it but try and work out what you are wanting the poem/song to say. Otherwise you might end up with something that could be great but just doesn't work!

Cheers

G