Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trans-sexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual-bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The RetroSexual Code :

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, or favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexaul may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservior Dogs, Fight Club,etc .

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

I like it! did you write it?

No. I wish I had. Was sent to me by a freind.

That was written by a Retrosexual man... not Ace.

Good one!

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

Now that is a Man.

Agreed. Sad ass men out there these days. Not all of them......

I always let a lady go first, open doors and give up my seat!

Nice in theory, but what's the chance of getting a seat on a train or bus in the first place?

Kill or be killed TGM? :tsk:

Nah, just that the odds of ever being able to be chivalrous on UK public transport are minimal at best.

But only if they're a hottie!! j/k

Yeah, me too! - doesn't cost anything to be polite and curteous!

G

There should be more polite and courteous men around like you people!!

The least a guy could do is say thanks when I hold the door open for him...

Exactly G. Costs nothing, and the rewards are 10 fold. Always better to have a nice trip to the store, than a miserable one. Better for you, better for the other people.

C.P.S

I obviously qualify...

What? No mention of sheep-loving in this thread?

Well, I guess I just took care of that oversight.

No - he said 'Retro-Sexual.' Not.... nevermind.

I can happily say that I pass on all points made. Here in the south its called rednecks.

Excellent post Ace,that's me to a tee.I'm teaching my boy those same qualities & I get compliments on him all the time from my friends about his manners.I have to send that one around.

Same here, always have.

The day I don't open a door for a woman, a senior, a veteran, those currently serving, the infirm, or give up my seat on public transport to the same goof folks is the day I have lost my self-respect and gratitude for those that make life easier for all of us.

Yup. I was raised that way and am raising my boys to be the same. It costs nothing as G put it and it shows alot of class that is all to absent these days.

Damn straight!

Heck, I will hold the door for anyone. Just plain being nice.

True dat, true dat, Varth. I don't check to see who is behind to determine whether I'm going to hold the door or not. If a person is close enough, I hold the door. Period. NOT doing so would be considered by those who raised me in very poor taste and boorish.

<post deleted 'cuz I misread nhis intention in the thread. It's my "Dumbass day". Day went to crap, as logged in the "what have you done today" thead...>

Absolutely, burner. It's pretty common down here in the South. Heck, I've had ladies hold the door open for me. That'll screw with your head!

I open doors for guys often.

I think it's because I always end up walking in front of them.

Good manners and good etiquette are never gender specific for me nor should they be. That's just me thinking out loud.

Whew! Is that what it was? I thought I was hearing voices...

You are! But mine is in there also. Adding to the confusion.

What's that you say? Kill them? Kill them all?

Nay laddie, nay. Kill their spirit. It is much more of a hell they will be sent to.

But, but their entrails as so nice to play with...